One of the reasons I rolled a healer class on this restart in EQII was that I wanted to make myself useful for grouping situations without having to go through the intimidating process of working out how best to hit things to stop them biting me dead. Everyone loves a healer, right? We don’t get in the way, just sort of mill around at the back, tossing out band-aids and soothing words, eschewing the glory (and, usually, the loot) in favour of keeping YOU alive and in tip-top condition for beastie eradication duties.

Sure, as a Templar I’m pretty handy with a mace and can throw down the occasional Lightning Storm From Hell™, but mostly when danger rears its ugly head I bravely turn my tail and, uh, fled. Flee. Beat a hasty tactical withdrawal from the combat arena. While other classes boast of chat log files filled with impressive DPS scores and the like, mine tend to hold the virtual world record for most number of “This encounter is no longer worth any experience” appearances. I’m sure once it actually said: “Dude, it’s a grobin. You can’t even beat a frigging grobin? Jeez, let me show you where the safe harvesting nodes are.” Although I may have been hallucinating from a lack of sleep.

Anyway, I’ve had some success with pick-up grouping since hitting level 15. A few incursions into the orc-held territory east of Kelethin saw me providing healing words left, right and centre for a crazed killing machine on a seemingly unstoppable mission to eradicate the whole of orc-kind. Seemingly, I say, as it eventually did stop when the other member of our team (a guy so ineffectual I’m actually having trouble remembering what class he was) decided to go for dinner rather than stay and do his duty (whatever it was).

Dinged through about two levels in that time though, so can’t complain, and even managed to do a bit of hotbar re-ordering, neatly organising all my heals into one area, offensive spells in another, debuffs just over there, rezzes in that top part and miscellaneous junk (summon food and water, anyone?) tidily in the part of the third bar that rarely gets troubled by hot mouse lovin’. I then promptly tested it out on a nearby Orc Footsoldier, forgot where everything was now that I’d moved them from the disorganised, yet familiar place they had been, and died.

A final note, I improv’d through one round of the Portal Storms quests shortly after that (after spending a good half hour getting lost in Kelethin while looking for the Qeynos teleporter. Seriously, would some colour-coding on the acorns go amiss?) and after dispensing with the Portal Void schlong-on-legs beasts by running away until they lost interest each time, eventually plumped for the misty blue lighting orb thing as a reward thinking I’d be emitting a cool, pulsing glow that radiated off everything around me. Nope. It barely has enough oomph to emit a fart. My advice, save up for the cooler-looking armour instead.

Incidentally, are those void-dildos supposed to be that hard to beat, or is it just because I’m a Templar and so by definition less effective in combat than a melted plastic spoon?